I have a real desire to get the most out of life, be productive, get on top on my university work and all those other things that we seem to tweet about longing to be doing... But sometimes, it's just bloody hard. Life is just bloody hard, being an adult and being independent, is just bloody hard. And on top of that, life can throw unexpected and inconvenient things at us all from time to time (as it has done to me over the past couple of weeks), and then being satisfied with your life and days becomes even bloody harder.
It's a cliche, but nobody is perfect. No matter how many YouTube videos someone makes about they planner set up, plant based diet, or jam packed daily routine, no one has a productive and satisfying day every time... and that's one hundred percent fine. But it gets depressing and frustrating when these bad days turn into bad weeks. A slump or a rut develops and all the things on my to do list, all the things I want to achieve and all the things I know I can do to make me feel better, get further and further away, until it feels like they're at the top of the gloomy well that I've found myself in.
Last week I had three meaty essays due in at uni. Three big deadlines in one week - the first assessed work I'd done in months. Right now I could begin to beat myself up... saying I should have started the work earlier and managed my time better, but to be fair to myself, I wasn't quite as rushed as I was when it came to essays last year, and I did a heck of a lot more secondary reading this time. But these tight deadlines resulted in me neglecting my other uni reading for a few weeks, which made me feel all out of sync and annoyed at myself. I'd been doing so well at keeping up and it just all went to pot! I just couldn't seem to juggle it all.
And to top it off, I've been pretty under the weather recently with a horrible illness that knocked me for six... although looking on the bright side, it does partly explain why I've feeling so run down and lethargic lately.
Basically, these past few weeks have been hard! But I need to refrain from beating myself up and be a bit kind and forgiving to myself instead. Wallowing in what I should have done won't help me to get the spring back into my step at all. Sometimes, life gets on top of us and lots of things come at once. Illness, be it mental or physical, doesn't usually wait for a convenient time to crop up on you... the bloody bastard. I know that to shake off this unproductive, lackluster and out of sync phase, I need to look forward, take each day at a time, and not bother to strive for perfection, because it just doesn't exist.
I'm not sure of the point of this post, or if it even has a beginning, middle or end, but I just wanted to have a quick writing session and lay it all out on paper... and in this case, lay it all out on the internet too... but maybe it'll relate to someone out there who might be struggling a bit... as we all do every now and then.